Super Wario Bros
by SuperWarioBrothers
Summary: Wario and Waluigi try to become the heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom instead of Mario and Luigi. It goes ... badly.
1. Wario Bros

"Heh, heh. Ready, bro?" Wario asked.

He didn't get an answer from Waluigi. No wonder, considering that his associate was carrying a lit bomb in his mouth.

All this was part of the stunt they were about to do, the stunt which would break records and make them rich and famous and RICH with all the MONEY!

Just thinking about it made Wario happy.

He stared down from the roof of the building. Seventy stories down, he thought he saw a crowd gathered. Excellent! Now to make the jump!

Wario and Waluigi prepared to make history by leaping off the roof of a seventy-story building, all the while racing against the clock. Wario was about to jump when–

"WAA! It's gonna blow!"

Waluigi hurried to spit the bomb out of his mouth. He frantically threw it off the building. It had only fallen a few stories when

 **KABOOM!**

The bomb exploded, knocking Wario and Waluigi backwards off the building, down seventy stories! This hadn't been how Wario'd expected to make the jump! There was no one to watch him, no one to see him, no one to PAY him once he landed – landed –

Landed!

Wario was expecting to hit the ground, but he didn't. Instead, he fell THROUGH A MANHOLE COVER (literally, he tore a hole through it) and into the pipes, only to be swept away by a sudden torrent of water!

Drifting off, he thought he could see Waluigi in the background …


	2. Exit Mario

Mario and Luigi had been fighting off these turtles, crabs and bugs coming out of the pipes for hours now, but no matter how many they defeated, more kept streaming out of the pipes!

Fortunately, one of those pipes was empty. The one right in front of Mario.

"Hey, bro!" Mario called to his brother. "I think we'll-a-need to go in these pipeses! Maybe we can stop these-a-side steppers in there!"

"Nuh-uh!" Luigi yelled, struggling against a giant turtle. "We don't know what's-a-in there!"

"Come on!" Mario protested, hands in the air. "There's not another way to–"

Before he could finish, a stream of water flooded the sewers, sweeping the brothers away from the turtles, crabs, and bugs they were fighting. Mario had no idea what was happening, but he thought he saw two unfamiliar figures in the flood before floating away.

He also thought he heard someone yelling. Someone yelling, "WAA".


	3. Enter Wario

Wario and Waluigi, being somewhat distracted by DROWNING, couldn't make out much of their surroundings as they drifted through the sewers.

From what they could tell, though, they were being thrust into a giant green pipe …

Wario was the first to regain consciousness. The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't in the sewer anymore.

No, he was in a small room, stuck there with Waluigi. Behind them was a large green pipe, sticking out of the ground. There were no lights in the room, but there was a window on the wall, through which it was illuminated.

Wario was walking past that window when he saw a slight glimmer out of the corner of his eye.

Wait. He knew that glimmer. Could it be –?

Wario ran up to the window, unsure if what he saw was real. It was too good to be true! Yet, staring outside, Wario knew it had to be. It HAD to be!

He saw coins, coins, COINS, just floating in the air! All over the place, there were giant golden coins, hovering over some floating brick block things, all ready for the taking!

It was his dream come true …

Suddenly, Wario heard a noise. Turning around, he saw that the green pipe was lowering into the ground. Well, he didn't know what it was there for and didn't really care what – Wait! There might be coins in it!

Wario made a mad dash for the pipe, kicking a sleeping Waluigi over along the way. He had to check it for coins! Those giant, golden coins! They could all be his!

Or not. The pipe sunk into the ground before Wario could look down it. In its place was just another patch of floor, indistinguishable from the rest.

No! The MONEY!


	4. Waluigi Time

"WAA!"

Wario turned around to see who said that. It was Waluigi, now fully awake, angrily jumping up and down.

"Why you do that? Why you hurt Waluigi?" he shouted. "Why you … eh?"

Yes, it looked like Waluigi too had seen the glimmer. The glimmer of those wonderful, wonderful COINS! If only they were within reach …

Wait, they were! Those coins were right outside of this window! All Wario had to do was break it!

"Move over," he grunted, pushing Waluigi aside. "Hi-YA!"

Wario elbowed the window, smashing it to pieces. The only obstacle between him and those coins was shattered. Now to collect!

"See ya," he muttered to Waluigi as he squeezed through the window.

Well, TRIED to squeeze through the window, anyway. His fat stomach couldn't make it through.

"Wha?" Wario exclaimed, half-inside and half-outside of the room. "Hey! I'm stuck!" He could have backed himself out, but that sounded like work. "Help me outta here!"

Waluigi considered his choices. He could help the fat loser who'd just pushed him over, OR he could simply exit via the door he'd seen on the other side of the room and take all those coins for himself.

Pretty obvious which would work best for Waluigi.

"Nah," Waluigi told his partner. "Waluigi not feeling it. Loser!" He ran to the door.

This was a happy day for Waluigi!


	5. The Endless Staircase?

Joyful after leaving his brother (or friend, or cousin, or whatever he was) stuck in a window, Waluigi opened the door and ran … into a hallway.

What? He was trying to go outside! Who put a hallway here? Who hated Waluigi like this?

"WAA!" Waluigi whined in frustration. "This isn't outside!"

He turned around to go back into that small room, but he couldn't find the door. It was gone, vanished, disappeared. No sign of it anywhere.

Waluigi looked up and down the hallway for another door, or even a window, so he could escape, but couldn't find one.

All he saw was a staircase.

Not having any other options, Waluigi ran up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs, and up the stairs and up the stairs and up the stairs and up the stairs and up the stairs and up the stairs and …

Waluigi got tired. How high was this staircase? He turned around to see how far he'd gotten. He must've climbed a million steps!

Nope. Looking down, Waluigi saw that he was only three steps up … two steps up … one step up …

 **WAUGH!**

Waluigi tripped on something, falling flat on his face. What did he just trip on? What just tripped up Waluigi?

Wanting the answer to that, Waluigi looked down and saw an escalator landing platform.

An escalator?

That explained a lot.


	6. Waluigi's Master Plan

Waluigi stared up the escalator. He thought he saw something shiny at the top of it.

Something shiny … like those coins! Coins just floating in midair! Floating, at the top of the escalator!

Unfortunately, Waluigi had no idea how to reach those coins. The escalator was going down, and he already knew that he couldn't run up it.

If he destroyed it, though …

Fortunately, Waluigi always kept a large supply of bombs on his person wherever he went. Maybe if he lobbed one at the escalator, it would stop working, and he could climb up! That made sense, right?

"All right, let's do this," Waluigi mumbled to himself, explosive in hand. All he had to do now was light the fuse somehow.

Wait … Waluigi had an idea …

Waluigi ran up the escalator, with his bomb securely attached to the landing platform. He made it three steps up … two steps up … one step up …

 **WAUGH!**

Though he'd planned on tripping all along, it still came as a surprise to him when it happened. Still, it was a small price for him to pay for his master plan.

Heh heh. Waluigi had figured out the cause of his tripping – he'd gotten his shoe stuck under the landing platform. This jammed up the escalator, creating sparks. So, by tripping again, Waluigi had gotten sparks to fly and light the bomb!

He thought that was very plausible.

Now all Waluigi had to do was wait for the bomb to go off, in 3 … 2 … 1 …

 **KABOOM!**

The force of the blast knocked Waluigi away, sending him flying into the wall at the other end of the hallway. Ouch. It didn't matter, though! The master plan had been completed!

Waluigi ran up to the escalator to see if it had stopped.

It had stopped, all right. Where the escalator once was was now a heaping pile of smoke and ash.

Waluigi couldn't climb smoke and ash.

Okay, so his master plan wasn't so masterful after all.


	7. Exposition Exposition

Looking through the remains of the escalator he'd blown up, Waluigi noticed that the shiny thing he'd seen was no longer floating up high, but was now laying on the ground. It must've been knocked off in the explosion! Hehe, the master plan worked!

Racing to the shiny thing, Waluigi saw that it wasn't a coin after all.

It was a mushroom. With a FACE.

It must've been protected in a glass case, because there were shards of glass EVERYWHERE. Come to think of it, there was even one poking through Waluigi's shoe – poking through his shoe? He was stepping on a shard of glass!

"Wah!" Waluigi shouted, having just realized he'd cut his foot.

He tried to grab his foot to take the shard out, only to lose his balance and fall over. Thankfully, he didn't land on any more glass shards.

He was lucky enough to land on the mushroom, though. That thing may have been weird, but at least it cushioned Waluigi's head from the fall.

"Congratulations."

Waluigi sprung up, unsure of who had just spoken. There was no one else in the hall, was there? He looked around to check. Nope. No one.

"I see you've figured out how to reach the mushroom. Good. That means you're clever. Clever enough to be the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. I hope."

More talking. Who was saying that? There was NOBODY. IN. THE. HALL!

This was driving Waluigi crazy. Who was saying this stuff?

"I can't divulge my identity here, due to circumstances I'm about to explain. I'd be in big trouble if I did. You can just call me … 'Toad'."

Like a frog? Whatever, it didn't matter. This "Toad" guy, though … WHERE WAS HE?

"Now, what I'm about to tell you is very important, so you need to listen up. I'll only tell it to you once. After that, this transmission will erase itself."

This trans-trans-trans … oh. That explained … ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, because where was this transmissy thingy COMING FROM? Waluigi still had no … clue …

Wait, no, never mind! Looking up, with the smoke from the escalator explosion finally starting to clear, Waluigi saw a TV screen on the wall, above where the escalator used to be. Somehow, it had remained intact.

Good enough of an explanation for Waluigi — wait, the talking was still going!

"…shroom Kingdom's still at war with the Koopa Kingdom, even after King Koopa's death in a Clown Car accident. His son, Bowser, has only taken up the slack, and invented a weapon that turned all the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom into blocks and coins and stuff.

"You've been chosen to help us save the day. Being fully human (probably), you should be able to use the Power-Ups without encountering the problems Toads or Koopas have with them. Your mission is to capture Bowser and get him to reverse the effects of his Toad-transforming weapon.

"Also, don't get kidnapped. Bowser already kidnapped one of the Mushroom Kingdom's last fully human citizens, Princess Peach. You should probably try to save her, too."

Now that he knew what that Toad guy was saying, Waluigi was starting to lose interest in it. Yeah yeah, some war, Power-somethings, some kidnapped dude. Waluigi didn't care. He was about to go when –

"Oh, and since you're basically taking the place of the entire Mushroom military, you'll be paid its soldiers' combined salary, which amounts to _about_ 750 million coins a month. Okay now, good luck!"

750 MILLION COINS FOR WALUIGI? That … that was a lot of money! If he brought some of that back to Wario (not all of it, because Wario was totally greedy), he'd be so happy, and they'd be rich, and that strain on their friendship Waluigi had been detecting would vanish and Waluigi would never have to be alone again!

This was good news. Waluigi was going to start his adventure right away so he could earn all that MONEY! He had one small matter to attend to first, though.

He threw that glass shard as far away from him as possible. Stupid thing!


	8. A Shard of Glass

Two hours after Waluigi abandoned him, Wario was still stuck in the window.

He knew that his counterpart would be running back to him soon. It was only a matter of time, but he would definitely return. Eventually.

"Eventually", though, could be a long time. Wario was beginning to lose hope when …

 **KABOOM!**

The building shook, violently ejecting Wario from the window. By the time he'd fully comprehended what happened, he'd already landed flat on his face.

"What … the …"

Pushing himself up, off the ground, Wario looked back at the room he'd previously been held in. He now noticed that it was made of stone, attached to a larger fortress, and was surrounded by ABSOLUTELY NO COINS.

That last observation was _infuriating_. Wario, not wanting to believe it was true, circled the fortress to see if he was wrong, if there were coins there after all.

He didn't find any coins. He did, however, find a gaping hole in the wall. A heaping pile of smoke and ash steamed out. Unsure of what was going on, Wario peeked in the hole. He almost thought he heard a voice …

He'd hardly peeked in when someone threw a glass shard in his face.

"WAUGH!" Wario yelled, taken by surprise. He certainly hadn't been expecting this! Fortunately, the glass shard had just flown up his nostril, so all the damage it did was shave off part of his mustache.

His mustache! His precious, _unique_ little mustache! Gone! Gone! GONE!

Whoever threw that glass shard was going to pay.

Wario, preparing a Dash Attack, jumped into the room, his elbow thrust out at his attacker, ready to strike back at –

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

– Waluigi?

It seemed that Wario had just elbowed Waluigi, who was now flailing around on the floor like a madman. Well … either Wario had made a mistake, or …

"Waluigi!" he yelled, pointing at the glass shard. "You threw that?"

"Wha?" Waluigi responded, looking up. "The glass? Heh heh, yeah, I did. Why?" He had a smug look on his face.

So WALUIGI ruined Wario's mustache! Well, someone had to pay.

"Why?" Wario asked, repeating Waluigi's question. "Eh, I don't know, it's just – DASH ATTACK!" he yelled, Dash Attacking Waluigi in the stomach once more.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"


	9. Tough Choice

After about fifteen minutes of Dash Attacking Waluigi, Wario finally let up on him.

"That was for my mustache," he growled. Tired, he slumped back against the wall.

Waluigi struggled to pull himself up. "You … hurt … Waluigi," he muttered. "Waluigi can get … you … money." He fell to the floor.

Money? MONEY? **MONEY?**

At this joyful announcement, Wario jumped up and shook his brother. "Money? How much money? I want it all!" If it was enough for him …

Waluigi, despite feeling rather shaken up (since he was literally _being_ _shaken up_ ), managed to get out the amount he could give Wario:

"700 … _million_ … coins."

700 MILLION COINS? Talk about a fortune! Wario dropped his associate in excitement. "All is forgiven!" he yelled. "Now give me the money!"

Waluigi, pushing off the floor, glared angrily at his friend. "It's not with Waluigi right now," he said, "We can get it, though! We just gotta save some kidnapped dude!" Through his anger, he couldn't fight off a smile, thinking of all that was coming to him.

Glove to his chin, Wario mulled over his options. To save some kidnapped dude, he'd have to work, and Wario hated working.

On the other hand, 700 MILLION COINS.

"Okay!" Wario said, making a difficult decision. "Let's get the money!"

Waluigi jumped in excitement. "For real?"

"Yeah!" Wario exclaimed. "We're gonna be rich!"

He turned around, staring at the world beyond him, at rolling hills, at sunny weather, and at giant gold coins galore.


	10. The Adventure (Finally) Begins

"Let's get this straight," Wario asked Waluigi as they began their journey. "We get 700 million coins if we save some person?" He wanted to make sure this wasn't a hoax, prank, or similarly elaborate scheme.

"Yeah," Waluigi said, "There's this guy, and he kidnapped this other guy while he was eating peaches or something, and there's these other dudes Waluigi doesn't care about, they don't get money, and – ooh, shiny!" Waluigi ran off.

Curious as to why (was there any money for him in it?), Wario turned around, and saw his partner climbing onto a block. A block … with coins floating over it! Coins! All for Wario!

"Hey, wait up!" Wario yelled, trudging after Waluigi. With 523 pounds of fat on him, he couldn't quite keep up to his leaner contemporary, but he never lost sight of him. This was partially due to his spectacular 20/19128921898920 vision, and partially because Waluigi did a little jig on the blocks for some reason.

"Wahaha! Waluigi number one!" he yelled, clapping his hands together. He reached out to grab a coin – Wario's coin! It existed, therefore it was his! – and put it in his pocket, but as soon as he touched it …

"Wah?"

The coin disappeared! As soon as Waluigi touched it, it vanished with a ringing noise. Where'd it go?

All Wario knew was this: Waluigi had just lost a golden treasure! This was his fault!

"I'll get ya, ya rotten little loser!" Wario yelled, preparing another Dash Attack.

Waluigi glanced up. "Wait!" he yelled. "Waluigi has the coin!" He pointed up at the sky.

Confused, Wario stared up and saw … words? In general, Wario wasn't very fond of words – too confusing – but after reading these, he liked what he saw. The words read:

WARIO WALUIGI COIN x 1 WORLD TIME

00000 00100 1-1 90 more chapters

Wario didn't actually understand why those words were there (did they just come with the adventure?), but he did understand what they said: COIN x 1. Which meant that Waluigi's coin had been collected, after all.

The only problem was how to get it _back_ again. Hmm …

Did this place have any ATMs?


	11. The Goomba

Waluigi was continuing along his journey with Wario when he saw a brown mushroom.

"Hey, look," he said, pointing at the mushroom. "It's got a face on it."

"Huh. That's weird. Okay, whatever," Wario replied, not even turning around. He didn't need to be bothered by some weird face mushroom. Who cared about that? He was too busy looking for _coins_ to take with him on his adventure!

Sure enough, there was a coin hovering above a green pipe. Wario was about to grab it when –

"Hey, what're you doing? You're not supposed to be here, pal!"

Wario jumped. Who said that? Looking around, he couldn't see anyone, but he had to find out! If he didn't, the guy who'd told him off might stop him from getting that coin! His coin!

No, he was going to find whoever was lurking around and–

"WAA! What? Oh, you say that to Waluigi, eh? Well, Waluigi hates you already! Take a hike, you little loser!"

All right, so Waluigi had found out who was mouthing them off. Wahaha! Wait … did that mean … Waluigi … would get that coin?

Then it wouldn't be Wario's, and _that_ was a bleak, horrid scenario he couldn't let happen!

Knocking Waluigi to the ground with his Dash Attack (maybe Wario needed a new move … nah), Wario prepared to do the same to his mystery opponent … until he saw who that opponent was.

"Hey, look, fashion statement, you can't be here either! Not allowed! Move it, you fat punk!"

He was being ordered around by a brown mushroom! A walking, talking brown mushroom! It even had a face on it, something Wario would have liked to have had pointed out to him earlier.

That stupid Waluigi. Never told Wario anything.


	12. Tiny Wario

"Fashion statement?" Wario growled. "You mean … my _mustache_?"

He turned to stare down Waluigi. It was all his fault that his mustache was the way it was, all his fault and his stupid glass shard's! Grr. Boy, would that guy be in for it later …

Before Wario could figure out how to best punish Waluigi, though, he felt something bump into him, and then … what was going on? Something was happening to Wario … almost as though he was getting … smaller?

Yeah, that was it, he was getting smaller, shrinking until he was about half the size he was before. Either that, or everything else was growing. He wasn't sure, because he COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING! All he saw was darkness … a YELLOW darkness!

Had he gone blind? Wario cherished his 20/19128921898920 vision! To suddenly lose it now would be horrific! He couldn't …

Wait a minute, no, not blind. His hat was just too big for him now, and fell over his eyes. Of _course_ that hadn't shrunk.

Taking it off, Wario saw that yes, he had shrunk. He was now little bigger than the talking mushroom who'd run into him, who, for some reason, was now in hysterics.

"No, not the mustache," he giggled. "I was referring to the purple overalls, ma'am, but not even that tops … tops …" He cracked up again.

Topped what? What was wrong with Wario? He looked the same as always, only smaller. If anything, he now looked better than ever, because his mustache had conveniently been restored after he shrunk. He couldn't see anything that could be misinterpreted as a "fashion statement".

Behind him, though, Wario heard a snicker he recognized as Waluigi's. "WAA. Nice _hair_ , doofus."

Hair? _Hair_? Cautiously, Wario felt the top of his head …

 **WAAUGH!**

Waluigi was unable to contain himself, looking at the tiny Wario's new little buzz cut. Hehehe. What made things even better was watching Wario's reaction to his new look. It wasn't every day that Waluigi got to see him this upset without being on the receiving end of his anger.

Jumping up and down, Wario was on the verge of tears after seeing his new look. Everyone was making fun of him. Nobody made fun of Wario! Wario made fun of _them_!

Wario quickly grabbed his cap and threw it back on. Blindness or no blindness, it was better than this, right?

Of course, when Wario thought that, he didn't consider how walking around with a giant _hat_ slumped over his face would look.


End file.
